A Parental Tutorial About Cell Phones and Social Media For Your Children

My wife Gail Hover Ledbetter wrote this update to our book Family Fragrance. One of the most difficult subjects families face today is how to handle cell phones and social media.

It’s best and easiest to set up the rules for responsible behavior before you hand over a phone.  Trust, responsibility, and accountability are a process.  So here’s a short tutorial to get you thinking:

1.  When should a child be given their first cell phone?  Our grandchildren were given the simplest of phones in 5th or 6th grade.  The phones were programed to only call and take calls from just a few numbers: family, grandparents, and anyone on their school’s list who had permission to pick them up. In Jr. Hi, they were handed down their parents’ old phones, but had no wi-fi, and was still programmed to only make and receive calls.

2.  Camera. No inappropriate pictures—everyone should feel safe.  No silly or embarrassing poses without their friends’ knowledge or permission.  In fact, at first they were not even allowed to take pictures without their parents’ permission.  All this was part of their on-going training.

3.  Define whose phone it is.  Let your children know that it is your phone they are having the privilege of using.  They need to understand that they don’t have “the right” to have a phone just because “Everyone else has one!”

4.  Early on establish there will be no expectation of privacy.  This is especially important for when they are given smart phones later with access to the internet, movies, texting, etc.

5.  How should their phones be set up?  Should each child have their own separate iTunes account or should there be a Master Account with all family phones falling secondary to the master (Dad or Mom)? This is really important and takes up about 6 pages in our updated book. Accountability, protection, and peer pressure can be tough on teens. We believe in “Trust, but verify!”  (Our kids use the Master Account with their children).  If you have our original book, write to the church and we will send you the updates on Social Media and Cell Phones.

6. Access to Pornography.  This vile temptation has long been associated with boys who are particularly vulnerable to what they see. But with the popularity of the Fifty Shades of Gray book genre, plus social media apps where females are encouraged to dance suggestively in skimpy clothing, a daughter’s self-image, female psyche, and purity are also placed in jeopardy. Dialogue should be free and open, with no question being taboo.  Prevention is worth far more than years of regret.

7.  What about access to apps?  None of our grands have been on Facebook in high school because of the ever-present drama, cyber-bullying, and because it can be such a time waster! But they are all on Instagram with family and special friends. There are to be no selfies unless it tells a story.  /And absolutely no media is allowed where parents can be blocked, and no Snap Chat where pictures can never be removed—kids don’t always have the best judgment, and/ their phones have the chance of being commandeered.

8.  Are there any software protections to block or shield my kids from harm? These filters are constantly being improved and updated, and so may change names…next month!  But these are currently good blockers:  K9, Covenant Eyes, Net Nanny, Qustodio, and Circle.

9.  And last, and maybe most important, what if my kid knows more about cell phones, the internet, or technology than I do?  Sorry, but I don’t understand that question!  Believing that to be the case, and knowing all its temptations and dangers, did you just one day hand them a phone? Would you buy them a car without explaining the responsibility of ownership and sending them to Driver’s Ed?  Would you give them a hunting rifle without instructing them on all its dangers? There are scores of tutorials on YouTube to hone your tech skills! 

10.  One last item.  Not giving your kids access to the internet or cell phone is not an answer.  The assumption at most secondary schools is that your kid has a smart phone.  It would really put them at a disadvantage today not to have one.

Please, for the sake of the social and spiritual health of the next generation, prepare yourself and your kids for their world and today’s technology…and, for what’s coming!  May God bless your desire to be intentional!